where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
