it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
