Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
