dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
