I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
