if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
