what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
