you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
