OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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