alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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