Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
