He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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