Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
