I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
