so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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