so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
