I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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