just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
