i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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