My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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