he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
