Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
