Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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