just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
