i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
