One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
