I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
