i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
