Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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