I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
