omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
