I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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