I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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