she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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