He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
