38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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