I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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