I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
