MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
