Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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