You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
