My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
