I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
