Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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