i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
