Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
