I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
