I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
