week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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