my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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