i barfeds in our rink
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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