You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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