Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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