If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
