they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
